


like a cry at the final breath that is drawn

by mariette



Series: remember me love, when i'm reborn [1]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: e060-066 The Stolen Century Parts 1-7, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Miscarriage, Temporary Character Death, Trans Male Character, Trans Taako (The Adventure Zone), Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-18
Updated: 2018-11-18
Packaged: 2019-08-25 04:24:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16654210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mariette/pseuds/mariette
Summary: “I’m seriously going to kill you. I’m going to blow you out the front door. I’ll magic missle you off the balcony. Is that what you want? You want me to missle you off the balcony?” Taako asks.He’s sat on the couch watching Lucretia and Merle pour over stacks of books. It really shouldn’t surprise Taako that Lucretia had books from their home world on the topic of half-elf pregnancies. Then again, he didn’t think they’d ever fucking need something like that either."Sometimes people really mess up and end up pregnant while on a planar system that's about to be devoured by a colossal black mass. It's totally normal, right?





	like a cry at the final breath that is drawn

**Author's Note:**

> Sometimes you have to write what you need to read.
> 
> Series and title of this fic are from the song "Shrike" by Hozier and also was my main inspiration for this entire series. Thanks Sam for betaing this for me and correcting all my horrendous punctuation errors. I will never change.
> 
> I've worked on this story for a very long time. And this is only just the beginning. This piece was actually supposed to be scattered throughout the much bigger fic that I'm working on (that includes Taako/Kravitz/Magnus). But instead it turned into it's own piece that works extremely well as a stand alone exposition. After this piece is coming a gigantic (i'm serious it's huge) piece that I'm probably going to post all at once when it's beta'd.
> 
> As a disclaimer: this piece IS marked as mature. It and the rest of the series will be intended for people over the age of 18, if you struggle with specific subjects please, please read the tags before you read my stories. They're there for the reason. I will update them frequently with every new story I add to the series.
> 
> Anyways, before I talk for too long here's a little piece of me. I hope you enjoy it.

_And now the hills with grass and moss_

_The spring with cunning hands has spread,_

_And yet I feel my grievous loss._

_My heart will not be comforted_

 - _ _Ella Wheeler Wilcox, Lost__

 

 

Taako wakes up in Magnus’ bed an absolute _wreck._ He remembers spending the night here since it would be the last night they’d see each other for a few weeks. They landed on a planet that, as far as they could tell, was completely uninhabited. Turns out they were _very_ wrong and now they have to go up in front of a council and plead their case of why they should be allowed to stay in the territory. Taako opted to stay on the Starblaster this round and promised a huge meal for everyone when they came back. Merle and Lucretia decided to stay behind as well, although Taako isn’t sure why. Lucretia he expected to stay behind. And Merle, he’s always the first one to volunteer on missions. But whatever, that’s their prerogative. None of Taako’s business anyhow.

He’d hoped that he would get to see Magnus and Lup off before they left but they made it pretty clear they wanted to leave before the the suns rose. And Taako was having _none_ of that waking up early bulllshit.

“I’m taking a personal day,” he told Magnus the night before. It’s time for Taako to fuckin’ relax.

His stomach lurches, sending him out of his thought process. His forehead is sweat lined and he can feel his mouth salivating. The nausea is almost too much to bear all at once. He flies out of bed and down the hallway. Had he not been running so fast toward the door, he would have noticed the light illuminating from underneath it. But he blasts through the door anyways, making Lucretia, who is in the middle of brushing her teeth, jump high into the air. Taako pushes past her and leans over into the toilet.

He vomits with his eyes closed as tears began to fall. He can feel Lucretia kneel down next to him and rub his back. He’s way too fucking busy paying attention to his burning throat to tell her to back off. Once the fit is over with, he leans back on his heels and looks up at Lucretia. The toothbrush is hanging out of her mouth, her eyebrows arched in concern.

“Ugh,” is all he can mutter. His mouth fills with an acidic breath.

“What’s going on? You eat too much when you had the munchies? You know, I’m not sure Merle knows what he’s doing with the herbs he’s growing. You and Magnus shouldn’t just smoke whatever he gives you,” Lucretia says. She stands back up and continues brushing her teeth. However she still doesn’t take her eyes off Taako.

He sits down fully on the cool bathroom floor. His hand moves over his stomach and he rubs at where the cramps are still present.

“No it’s not that it’s- _ah fuck,_ ” he whispers. His voice comes out sharp and painful as another cramp crashes through his entire abdomen. “What the _shit?_ ”

Lucretia creases her eyebrows and quickly finishes up brushing her teeth. She kneels back down next to Taako and stares at his stomach. She reaches her arm out and is about to touch him, but he flinches away instinctually. Lucretia pulls her hands back and looks up at him.

“Let me just see something. Please,” she says. He sighs and pulls his hands away.

She concentrates on his stomach again and suddenly Taako feels warm. The sensation doesn’t last very long and it _certainly_ doesn’t take the pain or nausea away. But for a moment he feels calm.

“Hmm,” she says thoughtfully. She pulls her hand back and stands back up.

“What?” he asks. Given any other circumstances he’d be concerned. Worst case scenario he’s dying. Doesn’t matter. He’ll be back in 11 months.

Lucretia doesn’t say anything, instead she walks out of the bathroom and disappears into the hallway. Taako rolls his eyes.

“Thanks for the help, Lucy! You’re a real fuckin’ pal!” Taako yells after her.

He winces as he tastes the breath that comes out of his mouth. Ugh. He’s glad Magnus isn’t here, because stale vomit as morning breath is _not_ a good look for him. Not that Magnus would even care, but Taako does and that’s the important part.

He hoists himself up from the floor and leans against the sink He grabs at his own toothbrush and begins working on getting the bile taste out of his mouth. Halfway through brushing, Lucretia returns with a half asleep Merle in tow. Taako raises his eyebrows.

“Why’d you bring him?” he asks with a mouthful of toothpaste. As he leans over to spit it into the sink, he feels hands at his stomach again. He whips his head around and tries to sidestep, but Merle holds him still.

“The fuck?” he asks. But when he looks at them they’re both staring intently at where Merle’s hands lay on Taako’s abdomen. “Alright you two are freaking me out now. What’s going on?”

Merle pulls his hand away and whistles.

“Yeah, Lucretia you were right,” Merle says. Lucretia nods her head.

“I thought so,” she replies. Taako looks between the two of them before finally ripping Merle’s hands away from his stomach. He takes a step back and crosses his arms.

“Okay, if you two don’t tell me what the _fuck_ is going on I’m blasting you both off this fucking ship,” he snaps.

Merle claps his hand against Taako’s arm and gives him a wicked smile.

“Congrats, kid. You’re knocked up.”

* * *

 

It’s not really any secret that a lot of things annoy the absolute shit out of Taako. Lup and Barry’s constant flirting, Magnus carving wood on his bed and getting wood shavings everywhere, Davenport’s constant bitching about training. But right now, at the absolute top of the list, was Merle and Lucretia not _shutting the fuck up_ about this stupid ass baby.

It’s been two whole days since he found out he was carrying Magnus’ monster child and freaking out isn’t even the tip of the iceberg for him. As soon as Merle gave him the news, he locked himself in his room for the whole day. For 24 sweet and glorious hours he was able to sleep the day away and they left him alone. Now though, now they have _books_ about half-elf pregnancies and they won’t _stop asking him questions._

“I’m seriously going to kill you. I’m going to blow you out the front door. I’ll magic missle you off the balcony. Is that what you want? You want me to _missle you off the balcony?_ ” Taako asks.

He’s sitting on the couch watching Lucretia and Merle pour over stacks of books. It really shouldn’t surprise Taako that Lucretia had books from their home world on half-elf pregnancies. Then again, he didn’t think they’d ever fucking need something like that either.

“Would you stop bitching? We’re trying to _help,_ ” Merle says. Taako rolls his eyes.

“I don’t remember asking for tweedle dee and tweedle dumb’s help,” he says. Lucretia sighs and closes her book.

“Merle, you should go make him some more of that tea. It’ll help with the nausea,” she says. Taako watches as Merle gets up from the couch and leaves for the kitchen. He turns his attention back to Lucretia who’s staring daggers into him.

“I don’t need his stupid tea,” he says.

“Then don’t drink it. I actually sent him away so we could talk about this. Because I _know_ you need to talk about it,” she says. Taako groans and puts his face in his hands. He really, _really_ doesn’t want to talk.

“Did you not hear all my death threats? Because I’ll do it I swear,” Taako says.

“Can you just be serious for like a _second?_ ” she asks.

When the seven of them first set off on this mission, Taako didn’t think he and Lucretia would get along. At the beginning he was just in it for the fun of it all. He and Lup fucking up some galaxies and returning home heroes. It was everything they dreamed of as kids: to be recognized, to be legendary. He didn’t give two shits about anyone else on the ship. Sure he got along with them fine, but it was just him and Lup as far as he was concerned.

But as the decades went on and the cycles kept coming and going, they all grew closer. To Taako’s surprise, he and Lucretia actually became really good friends. He grew to enjoy her company. Well, except for now.

“Fine. But this is it. This is the _only_ conversation I’m having about it. Got it?” Taako says.

“Yeah that’s- that’s fine. Look, Taako, I just want to know if you’re okay or not. Like this is… what’s happening- I mean it’s some real shit,” she says. Taako kind of laughs at that.

“You’re telling me,” he mumbles. He plays with the bracelet that’s around his wrist.

“Are you going to tell Magnus?” she asks.

“Don’t really think I have much of a choice there. I mean, I probably won’t tell him right away. I want to keep this just between us for now. And Merle. Ugh. I can’t believe I’m even saying that. _Merle_ knows one of my secrets,” he says. She chuckles.

“Don’t give him such a hard time. He’s trying to help too,” she says. He’s pulling at his bracelet now. Tugging at it with every beat of his heart.

“Yeah I know he is. I know I’m being like. Really dramatic right now and I’m sorry about that. I just… this is a lot to take in. I mean, I don’t even know if I want kids. Much less giving birth to one on a ship that jumps realities to escape our inevitable death,” Taako says.

“Guess that's one way to say it,” she replies. Her face falls as if she expects Taako to say something positive.

“Well, it’s true though, isn’t it? We have no idea if this is ever going to stop and I’m here bringing a whole other life into the equation? I mean, who’s to even say that this kid is going to survive the reset at the end of the year?” Taako replies. His bracelet snaps. He didn’t realize he was pulling that hard. Lucretia watches as beads flutter down onto the floor and spread themselves out all over the place. Taako sighs and tosses the broken string onto the stack of books.

“Merle and I talked about that. There’s actually a pretty good chance it will survive, considering we were able to keep Fisher on board. But as far as raising a kid in this environment? I don’t know, that’s a completely different story,” she says.

He holds back the itch in the back of his throat. If he let himself break down now, he wasn’t sure if he could pick up the pieces. He wishes Magnus were here. He’d know what to do. Even though he wasn’t going to cry, one tear manages to fall down his face. He quickly swipes at it but Lucretia still sees.

“We don’t have to talk about it anymore. Just know that I’m here. And don’t worry. We won’t tell anyone about this. No matter your decision,” she says.

Merle comes back with the tea pretty quickly. Lucretia changes the subject to some flora she’d seen planted around the Starblaster and asks Merle to come with her to help identify it. The dwarf instructs Taako to drink all the tea and Taako waves him off. He stares at the pile of books as they leave the ship.  
He has to come to some sort of decision. He has to do _something._ Right? I mean, he can’t just ignore the fact that there’s a Magnus baby growing in him. And he can’t ignore the fact that he’s going to have to tell him something eventually. It’s all a little too much at the moment. He gets up from his seat on the couch and retreats back into his room. Purposefully leaving the mug of tea on the table.

* * *

 

Taako, Lucretia, and Merle all get ready for their companions return. As promised, Taako is getting a _giant_ dinner ready. He makes sure to cook so much food they’ll be able to smell it a mile away from the ship. As he whips his way around the kitchen, he keeps catching glances of Lucretia and Merle dancing. Well, Merle trying to teach Lucretia how to dance. He’s playing some odd folk music he found in one of the nearby villages and _insisted_ on teaching Lucretia a thing or two about his passion. As far as Taako can tell, she’s doing more stepping on his feet than stepping in time.

It’s almost sundown when he hears their footsteps outside of the ship. Lucretia and Merle go to greet them as Taako adds the final touches to a few of his dishes. He notices though, as he’s seasoning one of the soups, that it’s gotten very quiet in the front room. Usually returns from a long trip are much louder than this. Magnus’ laughter is suspiciously absent. He wipes his hands on the kitchen towel and joins everyone in the front room.

“What’s the hold up? I have a gourmet _feast_ going on in there, my dudes,” he says. He stops abruptly in the doorway and five sets of eyes land on him. Five. Only five.

“Where’s Magnus?” he asks. He’s still got a smile on his face. “I made him his favorite jerky. Took me fucking forever.”

Lup crosses the room and holds her arms out to him. It’s only now that he notices the tears in their eyes. He looks at Lucretia who’s also crying. His heart beats quickly. He looks down at his sister in a panic.

“Lulu? What’s going on?” he asks. He can hear his voice shake. It’s sounds foreign to him. Like he’s not even speaking, the words are just coming out.

“When we got into the city everything was fine. They just wanted to talk to us, just wanted to know what we were here for. When we were in the council’s chambers, they had these kids there and they were… Taako they were essentially slaves. We were all upset about it and we were going to _do_ something about it, but after we got the council’s okay to be on their territory- Magnus- he didn’t want to wait. And they didn’t like that. We had to fight our way through it. He uh,” she stops and shakes her head. She wipes some tears from her eyes before continuing. “They were going to take me as payment for disrespecting them. Magnus offered himself up instead. We did everything we could. We stayed there for as long as we could to try and save him, but we couldn’t. I’m sorry.”

He looks up at everyone else. They look like how Taako feels.

“Well,” he says. It comes out choked. He clears his throat before continuing. “He’ll be back in what? 10 months?” He reaches for his bracelet. Oh right, he broke it the last time he was about to lose his fucking mind. “There’s uh- there’s food in the dining room. All your favorites. I’m actually like _supes_ tuckered out from all the cooking I did today. So I’m going to call it a night.”

Lup tries to reach out for his arm but he pulls away too quickly.

“Taako,” she whispers.

“It’s all good, Lulu. Don’t sweat it. Just go eat. You’ll enjoy it,” he says. He presses a kiss to the top of her head just to make sure she doesn’t follow him into his bedroom. He knows she won’t. She’ll come when he needs her.

He doesn’t give anyone else in the room another glance. He retreats to his room as fast as he can. At first he just leisurely leaves the room trying to act as unbothered as he can. But once he knows he’s out of eyesight, he all but sprints for his room. Hot tears are already streaming down his face, anxiety moving through him like a thunderstorm rolling in. When he makes it to his room, he slams the door shut behind him and falls to the ground. He bounces his knee against the ground a little too hard but he couldn’t give a shit. He finally lets out the wail he’d been holding in.

This isn’t the first time Magnus has died. And this isn’t the first time Taako has cried over it. It was different this time and he knows exactly why. There’s something about the way this grief feels. Even though he knows Magnus would be back something about it feels final. No... not final. Isolating. This time it feels so, so isolating.

He isn’t sure how long he’s been tucked away in his room. He falls in and out of consciousness multiple times so in all honesty, it could be days. Although, he knows Lup would have checked in on him if it had been that long. He is impressed with the fact that he could get himself up onto the bed. He’d spent so long in the fetal position on the floor his back started to protest it. Eventually, there is a knock at the door.

“No one’s home,” he replies. It comes out hoarse. Figures, considering he wasted all his voice on screaming into his blankets.

The door opens anyways and Taako groans at the light that shines in. He lifts the blanket up over his head without even looking to see who came in.

“Taako?”

That, he wasn’t expecting. He turns himself around in his bed to see Lucretia standing at the otherside of the room. She has the door cracked open now so only a little light illuminates into the room. He sighs. He casts a light cantrip and makes the room glow a soft purple so she can see. She shuts the door completely and crosses the room.

She sits at the edge of the bed and looks at him. Her eyes are puffy, presumably having just had her own crying sesh.

“What a bunch of emotional bitches we are, huh?” Taako says. Lucretia doesn’t smile or laugh. She continues to stare.

It takes awhile for her to say anything to him. In all honesty, he’s fine with that. He’s not in a very talkative mood in the first place. But all good things must come to an end.

“You were going to tell him today, weren’t you? That’s what all this was for wasn’t it?” She asks. She looks around the room and Taako follows her gaze. He has balloons and streamers hanging from his canopy bed and cupcakes displayed on the window seat. He shrugs. She turns back to him and reaches out to grasp his hand. He doesn’t pull away this time.

“Merle and I aren’t going to tell anyone. You can still surprise him at the end of the year,” she says.

“Not the same,” Taako replies.

“No, but that’s something special you’re going to share with each other. That’s gotta count for something, right?” she asks.

“Guess so,” he says. He was too focused on the feeling of his own heart shattering into pieces to have any part in this conversation.

“I can stay in here with you, if you want. I know it’s hard on you when he’s gone,” she says.

He figured Lup would be the one to offer. She probably still will when she gets a chance to come check on him. But there’s something about Lucretia’s willingness to be there for him, to make sure he’s okay. It reminds him of Magnus

“Yeah, actually. I’d like that,” he says. She gives him a sad smile and he has to remind himself that it’s not just him temporarily grieving. It’s all of them. Even with his ‘special’ circumstances.

He moves over in the bed to make room for her. She slides in next to him easily and sighs contentedly. They don’t touch, but he can feel her heat radiating off of her. If he closes his eyes and doesn’t think, he can pretend it was Magnus. That has to be enough for now. It’s all he has.

* * *

Thankfully, the rest of the year goes by relatively quickly. When one of them dies the absences of that person is a heavy weight to bear. However, they always try to do their best. They’re able to come to a somewhat agreement with the council that the ship won’t be blasted to bits if the council can keep the Light. As far as Taako is concerned they can have the fucking thing. He doesn’t give two shits about what happens to the planet. Davenport tries to convince the rest of the crew that they should at least _try_ to get the light back forcefully. Most of them disagree and explain it would be too dangerous to try, so he drops it.

Lucretia and Merle are spending a lot of time with each other. The rest of the crew pay no mind to it. There really is no reason for them to be suspicious. But of course Taako is paranoid they’re going to figure out what the two of them are working on in her quarters. There’s only so many ways they can reference Taako’s pregnancy without raising questions. Thankfully, they’re keeping it on the down low as Lucretia had promised.

About a month before the end of the year, Taako begins to show. It’s undetectable if no one knows it’s there. And Taako’s ability to fashion some clothes that would hide it no matter what helps in the situation too. Most days he stands in front of the mirror and sways back and forth looking at his swollen body at as many angles as he can. He hasn’t spoken to the fetus yet. He can’t bring himself to do that until Magnus is here. It feels wrong without him.

What helps the most with this cycle is Lucretia. After that first night she slept in Taako’s room, she joined him every night. Lup was a bit surprised at the sudden change, but doesn’t mention anything about it. Taako still spends time with her and Barry for the majority of his day, doing whatever experiments they’re working on, cooking with his sister like he always does. But at night, when everything is calm and Taako is stuck by himself with a _baby growing in him,_ that is always when he needs someone the most. And Lucretia is the best person to have around. She always has something to talk about that will distract him from the things he doesn’t want to think about. She avoids the baby subject like it’s the fucking plague. And he is so thankful.

One night, though, Taako brings it up on his own.

“I wonder if it’s going to have my ears,” he says. They’re sitting on the bed playing a card game. Taako’s not completely sure about the rules, but he thinks he’s winning. Lucretia is obviously taken back by what he said and it’s clear she’s not sure if she should reply. He continues.

“I mean like, those ear genes gotta be hella dominant, right? Half-elves still have elf ears?” he asks, this time allowing her to join in on the conversation with a questions she’s sure to know the answer to. She sets a card down on their growing pile.

“More than likely, yeah. Although, I can imagine it’s probably going to look _a lot_ like Magnus. Not even in like, a human to elf ratio. I just think there’s no way he can have a kid that doesn’t look identical to him,” she says. Taako lays a card down on top of hers and takes the pile. He smiles at her comment.

“Yeah, that’s true. This thing is going to be a fucking monster,” he says.

“For sure.”

His face falters a little.

“I don’t want to get myself excited about it,” he says.

“Why not? Because he’s not here?” she asks. He nods. She lays another card down and waits for him to go.

“Just seems weird that he’s missing out on something like this. He’s gonna feel real bad when he gets back,” he says. He lays his card down and she takes the pile this time.

“I think he’s going to be too distracted by the fact that he’s having a whole ass baby to be concerned about missing a few months. I mean, you do have, like, over a year to go,” she says.

“Ugh. Don’t remind me,” he says. He tries to act like it’s a burden. That he doesn’t care one way or another what happens. But it’s not like that. He cares about his stupid fetus so much already and he’s barely even given it any thought. Or tried to at least.

“Wait until you hear about all the other gross stuff that happens during an elf pregnancy. You’re going to _love_ it,” she says. She pulls her face into a smile and waits for Taako to react. He stares at her for a moment before cracking into a smile himself.

“Ew, don’t. I’ll replace you with Merle,” he says.

“Oh, yeah. I’d love to see the day that happens.”

* * *

Resets were always the easy part. One moment they’re speeding away from The Hunger as they watch it ravage the reality around them. The next, they’re surrounded by beautiful life and warmth, their bodies returning back to what they started with at the beginning of the year. For most of them it was a nice feeling, a familiar one at this point.

Taako is basically buzzing as the hunger ravages the planet underneath him. It tears apart the ground underneath them with giant pillars of inky blackness. The Hunger consumes the buildings, and trees, and people in it’s path towards the light. He wants to feel bad and a little part of him does. After all, they did technically fail another mission. However, until they know how to stop The Hunger, every mission is basically a failure. Anyways, Taako is too excited to see Magnus to care about anything else that’s happening.

As the Starblaster lifts itself further and further away from the material plane, he feels his body warm. Lucretia and Merle told him that the likelihood of the baby making it through the rest was high. So as they finally cross over to another reality he doesn’t give it a second thought.

The moment he sees Magnus next to him, he all but leaps into his arms. He hears a small ‘oof’ come from the larger man, but is immediately wrapped into a tight hug. Magnus buries his face into the crook of his neck and kisses as much skin as he can touch. Taako laughs and pulls away, cupping Magnus’ cheeks in his hands.

“I missed you so much, you idiot,” Taako says. Magnus kisses him on the lips.

“I’m sorry. I’ll try to keep the death count down from now on,” he says.

Soon, everyone else on the ship is surrounding Magnus. Lup and Barry are the first ones over, lecturing about how much of a moron he is. Taako takes a step back and lets everyone have their time with him. He’ll have his chance soon enough.

A light bulb goes off in his head, then. His hand moves over to his stomach and he expects his swollen belly to be present. But it’s not there. His heart sinks. He looks past the group that’s surrounding Magnus to see Lucretia and Merle staring at him from across the room. They must know, too. Just from the look on Taako’s face they must know. He quickly retreats to his bedroom, sneaking away so Magnus doesn’t see and follow him.

Once he reaches it, he doesn’t even bother with shutting the door behind him. Anger bubbles through him, and the grief that he returns in full force. It’s like a freight train hits him in the gut. He begins pulling down the decorations he so stupidly kept up. How could he let himself get fooled into thinking that the baby would stay alive? What a fucking idiot he was. His _body_ changes at the reset. That’s the whole fucking point. That they can die and they’ll be returned back to the state they were in when they first set off.

As he’s ripping down everything with hot tears falling down his face he feels hands around his arms. He pulls away quickly.

“Fucking let _go_ of me,” he says. He pulls down another balloon and pops it in his hands. It sends an echo reverberating down the hall.

“Taako, please. Just calm down,” Lucretia says.

“No I’m not going to fucking calm down! I’m not just gonna- I-” he cries out again and tries to tug away from her. But her grasp is firm.

“Alright. Lucy, take him to your room. I’m going to get this shit cleaned up before he does anymore damage. To the room _or_ himself,” Merle says.

Lucretia tugs at his arm, and with one final surge of strength he tries to pull away. But Merle steps in front of him and pushes him back into Lucretia. He falls into her with a thud and they’re sent tumbling backwards. Luckily, she regains her footing and drags him to her room. His vision blurs because of the amount of tears that are falling.

Once they get to her room and she shuts the door, everything goes silent. He can’t hear Merle’s bitching, or the group in the shared living area laughing with each other and talking about the council. The only sound is Fisher’s melody.

“Taako I’m so sorry,” she says.

Taako stares at Fisher’s tank. He watches as the voidfish floats up and down aimlessly. He’s got a couple of Magnus’ carved wooden ducks in the tank with him. One of his tendrils reaches out to make it to a flip. Fisher chirps as he watches the duck move around in the water.

“-you listening to me?” he hears Lucretia say. He pulls his gaze away from the tank to stare at her. When had she started crying, too?

“I need you to make me forget,” Taako says.

“What?” she asks. He looks over at Fisher and then back at her.

“I want to forget that any of this happened. The whole thing with the baby. I want to forget,” he says.

“Taako I don’t think-”

“No. Lucy, please. I need you to do this for me. I need you to make me forget. I can’t- I let myself get too close to the thing. And now it’s… I don’t even know what it is, because it’s not dead. It never even _existed_ and that’s almost worse, I think. The Hunger didn’t just take that planar system from underneath us. It took my fucking child and I can’t _live_ with that and I can’t _die_ either. So make. Me. Forget.”

Lucretia doesn’t move for a few moments. It’s tense and he knows that she’s waiting for him to say nevermind. But it’s not going to come and eventually she gets that.

“Are you sure?” she asks.

“If it’s the last thing I ever ask of you. I’m sure. Please,” he says.

She lets him write down what he wants to write. He doesn’t let her see it and he hopes that she doesn’t ask. Thankfully, she stays back and waits patiently while he finishes up what he wants to write. She’ll know soon enough what it says, since he’s letting her keep the memories. The grief he feels is almost too much, but he would feel so much worse if not a single soul remembers the kid.

The two of them stand in front of Fisher’s tank and watch as the piece of notebook paper floats down to him. He sings a melody and devours the paper. The galaxies on his bell flicker and flash until they finally vanish. Taako blinks a few times and looks over at Lucretia.

“Oh shit,” Taako says. He smiles at her. “I have to go tell Magnus I saved him his jerky.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Come hang at my [tumblr](http://lovelytaakitz.tumblr.com).


End file.
